An experiment

We went to a concert at Spencer's school on Monday. Sitting in front of us was a lovely couple who were there with their four children. They don't speak English so I'm not entirely sure what they were talking about -- but what I noticed was how she looked at her husband and children. You could tell by the look on her face, in her eyes just how much she loves her family. I'm not sure how I look at my husband and son, but observing her made me want to be conscious of how I look at them. This weekend I made a concerted effort to smile more and hold their gazes a little longer. I loved what happened. Especially with Spencer -- he would be expressionless and then suddenly was wearing a big smile. I'm going to try my best that my son and husband know how much I love them just by the look on my face.

Changes on the Horizon

Fast forward a few years and I'm back. Must be problems on the horizon! Things are great with Spencer. He is now in 2nd grade and thriving in a bilingual elementary school and he's doing well. What isn't great is my work life balance. I have been in the same position for nearly 10 years working for the same amazing boss. I got a new boss in January and am really rethinking about where I want to spend my days. Since we got rid of our full-time nanny (when Spencer started 1st grade)our life has gotten more stressful. My husband travels a fair amount and Spencer has had a hard time adjusting to after school care and camps when we are on break. Life feels like a grind and we've been talking about me working part-time or even staying home. I had coffee with my former boss yesterday who recommends I give notice and get out of here in time for summer. Spend summer at home with my kiddo and then figure out what's next in the fall. I might actually do this and I'm scared to death. I've never not worked. I have had a very successful career and I sort of buy into the logic that you need a job to get a job. I don't know if that is right or wrong. I've also always had a career that to some extent defined me -- or at least a big part of me. To give that up for a short or long time is daunting but I think probably a good thing on the path of self discovery. Stay tuned...

One of those parents

Clearly I'm not particularly good at updates but maybe I'll give it more of an effort. Our current drama (if you can call it that) is school. We are really lucky and have three good public school choices -- I just want our first choice.

Spencer is bilingual. He has spoken Spanish with his nanny his entire life (the part when he could talk), goes to the Spanish story hour at the library, we read books in Spanish, etc.

Our first choice of schools is a dual immersion bilingual program. There are a lot more slots for kids who can speak Spanish so we figured we'd hedge our bets and try for one of those. The way it works is they bring the kids in for an interview that consists of listening to a story in Spanish then drawing pictures. Simple enough, right?

As we walked away from the school I asked how it went. He said they read a story about a farmer and sheep. He was supposed to draw sheep but didn't know how so he just drew two happy faces and wrote his name. I asked if he told anyone he understood the story and he said no. And there went the bilingual slot. It really is pretty funny, I just wish it didn't impact whether he gets in or not.

So, as a parent, what do you do? Luckily he's in preschool at the school so I asked his teacher to talk to the principal. We also have friends at the school and one shared the story with the principal who suggested I send an e-mail. I did -- and in the e-mail said I hesitated sharing because I didn't want to be one of "those parents." Clearly I am. Keep your fingers crossed!

Happy Birthday Spencer

Spencer turned four today. We bought him a goldfish and put it in his room while he was sleeping. He came bounding out of his room this morning shouting "there's something new in my room." He named the goldfish "goldie". Not the most original of names but his fish, his name. His first question of the day was to ask if he could have a really sharp knife when he turns five. Um, no.

He's had two of three birthday parties. The first at my sister's house in Colorado while on vacation last week, yesterday at the park with his nanny and park pals and finally a pool/taco party at our house on Sunday. I want him to feel celebrated, special and loved. He just wants a knife.

A new blog

I have felt a little estranged from the blog I started on my journey to have a child. It was all about my incompetent cervix and the joys and sorrows of becoming a mother. It is the eve of Spencer's 4th birthday and I want to write about him, about us without worrying how I would make someone who recently experienced a loss feel. Thus the new blog.

On my way home today I'm stopping at the pet store to buy him two goldfish and some helium balloons. After he's asleep I'll put the balloons above his bed and the fish on his dresser. Happy almost birthday my sweet, sweet boy.